Sipping fine champagne, cruising in fast cars, throwing wild parties in exotic locations?  Are you a gangster, or a hedge fund manager (although some might argue that’s the same thing).  Or maybe you’re just juggling your inheritance like a two year-old juggles box cutters.   Fake it ’til you make it?  I cherry picked these experiences with bling, brass, bad-asses and bucket lists in mind: 

Credit: Barefoot Bistro
Credit: Barefoot Bistro

Sabre a bottle of Champagne

Surrounded by 20,000 bottles of vintage wine in the finest cellar on the West Coast, grab your favourite bottle of bubbly, a weighted saber, and off with the head! Sabering is a tradition that dates back to 18th century France, when a clean break meant good luck. In Whistler’s Barefoot Bistro, patrons are invited into the underground cellar to give it a go. You’re in good hands too: Restaurant founder André Saint-Jacques holds the Guinness World Record for champagne sabering.

Credit: 4Star Limo
Credit: 4Star Limo

Rent Canada’s Biggest Limo

When everyone’s driving around in limos, how do you hog the limelight?   Why not rent the F-650, Canada’s largest limo, holding up to 24 passengers, with hardwood floors, strobe lights, lasers and 10 TV sets. They call it the “Hummer Killer”, since Humvee Limos only hold 16 passengers. Go big, or go home.

Hold a Party in an Ice Hotel

Quebec’s Hotel de Glace gets a lot of press for its winter wonderland, romantic delicately carved rooms of snow and ice. Hold your next bling event in the adjacent ice bar, complete with vodka served in ice-glasses, thumping music, disco lights and ice sculptures.   They hotel will lay out a red carpet, carve your name in ice, and even close the night with fireworks. Note: only James Bond can wear a tuxedo in an ice hotel. The rest of us need to stay warm with thick winter jackets.

Credit: GTA Exotics
Credit: GTA Exotics

Drive a Super Car

Can I take a ride in your Lamborghini? Ferrari, Porsche, Audi A8, GTR-R35, Lotus, Aston Martin and Corvette too?   GTA Exotics offers 5-hour country tours that put you behind the wheel of your 7 favourite supercars.   Drivers receive instructions for each of the vehicles, and are given the chance to drive them to various checkpoints before swapping into the next car. Although the experience is not cheap (up to $1500 for the 7-car tour), it’s a lot more affordable than owning one of these machines, or even paying for the annual insurance!


Channel the Chicago Connection

There was a time when lil’ ol Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan was a gangster’s paradise. When heavyweights like Al Capone would visit for some R&R, safe in the knowledge that the cops were bought off, and a series of underground tunnels could hide the stash, and provide a neat escape from would be assassins.   Today you can take the Chicago Connection tour in these same tunnels, led by costumed wiseguys down memory lane.   But remember, whatever you see, smell or taste, you forgedabout it, capiche?

Shop for Lingerie, Fire a Gun

The West Edmonton Mall is the largest mall on the continent, containing the world’s largest indoor water park, 800 stores, and attracting 30 million visitors a year. It’s also the only mall in the world where you can safely fire your .38 revolver, or other firearm of choice. After shopping for lingerie and perhaps a slinky dress or two, head to the Wild West Shooting Centre on the upper level.   There you can choose your weapon, receive instruction, and let the target have it.


Fire a Cannon

Want more bang for your buck? Real bad-asses prefer cannons, locked loaded and ready to destroy (or at least make a very loud noise).   Cape Breton’s Fortress of Louisbourg National Historic Site takes you back to the time when French and British forces were battling for control of the New World. Today, the continent’s largest historical reconstruction lets summer visitors watch re-enactors do battle, and lets you learn how to load and fire a cannon.

Fly a Helicopter

Even if you’re driving a Ferrari, or lounging in a 24-passenger limo, traffic can still suck. That’s why real blingers travel by helicopter.   Planning on sightseeing around Toronto, Vancouver or Niagara Falls?   Take a whirly bird.   For those who prefer a more hands-on approach, Kleinburg Ontario’s National Helicopters will let you take the controls during a 25 minute Discover Flight.

Great Canadian Bucket List